如果生活在他方
Posted by: Esther Ting on: 四月 5, 2008
對他方的憧憬,想像力,對未來的期待.誰會沒有呢?新加坡人可能沒有.沒有想像力,典型工作狂,沒有禮貌第一名.而且最近發現,逃離這個世界,這個時空的電影越來越多,看來我們對這個時代已經失去樂觀的態度,或是早已活得不太耐煩了.
他告訴我說,日本有些玩完RPG就自殺了.我試著去想像,一直到說服到自己’喂!妳不要去自殺噢~’睡前甚至暗自下定決心不可以再碰了(即使之前我只摸了兩個小時)這一切的想像,似乎讓自己充滿勇氣地抗拒黑暗面.其實,連指甲掀起都覺噁心,更何況割脈啦,跳樓啦,這種噁心自殺法,應該不太會吧.(吸煤氣不錯,不過不小心Explode呢?噁~~)那天斬鷄,唾液不斷地分泌,口裡似乎都充滿了血腥味.當雞脖子因為刀不夠鋒利而半吊著時,我心想一整串的髒話.第一次覺得髒話的必要性存在.
我總在想像,看著報紙,看著電影,如果有錢人要包養我,我不會拒絕吧.如果我現在去學舞蹈,應該可以跳得和她一樣吧.如果全家人陷入經濟問題,我也會去當娼妓吧.如果…如果…
道德價值如何判斷?動機?手段?結果?以往會以結果來論斷一切.社會規範確保每個個體的安全和行動自由.但現在,發現動機是我行事的準則時,有點驚訝自己將自己推入一個灰色地帶了.畢竟一個人的動機怎麼可能得以完全純正?而我怎麼可以不眨眼地說服自己,將一切合理化的理由,一切的任性成為自己的商標?
某些時空過去了,我依然前進著.看了他人的網誌,心想,他們如何得以如此真誠流露?熱情地介紹認為美好的事物,分享每天遇到的感受,即使是無謂的抱怨或是文字上的渲洩,都如此直接,真誠.我被感動了.他們在自己的世界中,扮演著如此重要,中肯,積極的觀察角色.我的當下或是彼岸的他方,盡是夢境,或是回憶中自己存在的亡魂.
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八月 15, 2008 於 10:40 下午
Sea, no matter where you are, believe that there is always a reason for you to be there. The best thing you can do is to embrace the place where you are. Learn to relax and accept the place where you are. It may not be a great place right now. But if we really believe that God is in control and is directing our steps, then we must believe that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. We needn’t be wrestling with life and resisting our circumstances all the time. When we are really in God’s rest, we know that God has us in the palm of His hand. Stop listening to accusing voices. It is not important what other say about us, what matter is what God says about us. If we don’t know who we are, just read the Father’s Love Letter:
My Child, You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me. John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4
And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your Dad.